I am neither a monk nor a cynic.I locked myself inside a glass cube and life just rushes around in a whirlwind of emotions and colors. I see all the wonder and the beauty in every second of it, but feel no urge to join the fray. There are moments when the drama moves me, but the deeper it moves, the more I retreat into my glass cage.
There are quite a few times when I did venture out to learn if I could add a little to the scene , but I end up being in the wrong role or just fumbling through my lines. As I drop out of the scene, the drama settles down into its natural rhythm. Time and again , Destiny patiently sets me in my place ... out in the spectator box. :)
So has been my life. When people ask me , why is that I am content to watch rather than do , I have no rational answer to the question. Why do I feel that the people out there are already a doing better job and I satisfy myself with a glance at it? Why is it that I am content to just wet my feet , but never let myself swim through the currents? Why doesn't my mind think of competing against someone or doing better or even doing something? Is it plain laziness, a lack of confidence/motivation or a fear of failure? Whether it's a simple video game or a complex algorithm , I love watch it being played or solved rather than play or solve it :). It's probably because I grew up with words swirling through me , that I am not able to relate to actions.
What would you call someone who loves to see and learn , not to participate , who has too much of data but not enough logic to judge (a dumb system ,eh? ), who weeps and laughs along with the things around her but not exert herself too much to change it for fear of tipping the balance, who realises her faults and others' in the bargain ? (I can hear you people crying mad hatter !! ).
I would simply call her "a spectator".
